Favorite Things--May

I've been meaning to do this for a while but never got around to it! The idea is simple, just a few of my current favorite things :) The only thing better thant loving something is sharing it so others can love it, too!

[image found here]

#1 Printables :: they are wonderful! My roomie Kristin introduced me to them. She found this one at Kind Over Matter (an amazing blog!!). The concept is simple--something (could be a card, a note, or in this case, something to hang on a bulliten board) that is FREE and all you have to do is print it out :) I also made some Mother's Day Cards with printables this year. I spiced them up a litte by hot gluing buttons on them. I love cards, but now that i have found printables i can have cards that are precious AND save lots of $ ! It's easy, start by going to google and searching "printables blog."

[image found here]

#2 My Preserve Toothbrush :: made from recycled yogurt cups! It even comes with s package that you can send it back in so it can be re-recylced (<- that was fun to type). The best part? It's a dang good toothbrush!!! Found at Target.

#3 Coupons:: My mammaw taught me many lessons before she passed and a good bargain was near the top. She was a great steward of what she'd been given and even took the time to cut coupons out for each person in my family weekly. Each stack was personalized to the products or places we liked :) I miss those stacks and miss her even more, but lately the Bailey in me is really coming out. Kristin introduced me to Krazy Coupon Lady and my sister to Southern Savers. Both are great sites to find printable coupons. Also, Borders and A.C. Moore are great to sign up for rewards. I get a 50% off one item email nearly every week. This can really save on an expensive book or art project :) Also, CVS extra bucks is totally worth signing up for! Finally, check out this twitter page, every day something free!!! Remember: a key to food or tolietries coupons/deals is often buying in advance. For instance, if CVS has buy one get one on shampoo, go ahead and get it, you know you'll need it eventually :)

[image found here]

#4 Cucumbers, tomatos and balsamic vinegar:: will sent me to the farmer's market to get salad stuff but...there was no lettuce. We improvised with this little trio and it was so delicious. Be sure to add salt and pepper too! Healthy, refreshing, delicious, and easy to buy aaaand help support your local famrers:)

[image found here]

#5 This I Believe:: Now that i have NPR's "This I Believe" on podcast i can't stop listening! I've always loved this program but never had access to it so easily. For those of you unfamilar with it, listeners write essays on something they believe, a core value, moral or mantra if you will. They read their essay and it's typically only about 5 minutes. These essays can be quite emotional or maybe light hearted, regardless though, there is always a beautiful message. They really are pint-sized jewels; short enough for my attention span but packed with truth. Check them out :)

...i think i'm going to try to do one of these for each month! i know, i know...try to contain your excitement :P :P

speak up. reach out.

(image found here)

sometimes i feel a little cynical. it's hard for me to pass places that i know have sweatshop tendencies and not feel uneasy. it's hard for me to go on a cruise once i hear that the workers don't have fair wages. it's hard for me to eat Tyson chicken when i know they don't treat their chickens well. it's hard for me to consume so very much when my brothers and sisters around the world have so little. it's hard for me to watch SO much food be thrown away every.single.day. And sometimes this worldview can lead to guilt, frustration, and bitterness. I expressed my struggles with this to a friend the other day and this was her response:

"I know it would be easier to be ignorant, and I will be honest with you: i think that i would prefer ignorance over awareness, but we have both been given hearts of compassion and sympathy and minds that seek justice and love for all, and when i look at it in that way, I realize if even in that moment...that these harsh truths I have about the world are not intended to be crippling, but they are intended to allow me a taste into what our God has when he looks at us. I truly think our viewpoint of the world..as bitter as it makes us, as negative as it is, is a gift. Because after you identify a problem, you can give a solution. So this problem identifying is a gift because from that we offer our solution of hope, peace, and most of all joy. Do not be discouraged; though you are few, you are needed."

....and that 4 page text message refreshed my soul so very much. i want to be broken in the way that God breaks for those who are hurting. I want to be aware so i can act. I want to view the harsh realities as not paralyzing but fuel for a passionate fire. I want to know the pain, the hurt, the heartache because even though it may not lead to a life of bliss, it will certainly lead to a life of meaning. and that, that, is what i desire. And in deep in my heart, i really beleive we all desire this. We all desire this meaning, justice, this love. And when presented with an injustice clearly, most folks will cry out. but the problem is--so many times we don't know of the injustice. it's swept under the rug. or it's taboo and propaganda has warped our view of it. it's whispered about, not yelled about. but my dream is that my voice will speak out and make someone aware who will use their voice. and then they will use theirs. and then the voices will echo. and as they echo all will notice, and all will realize that equality, love, peace, and hope are really the best options in this thing called life.

here's to seeking truth even when it hurts.
here's to looking in the eyes of pain and letting it break you.
here's to a better world.
here's to remembering all life starts with death--so let that piece of you die, let that injustice rip your heart out, and then, let a sprout of justice grow.

To Travel is to...

[copied this pic off of Kristin's computer..]

To travel is to go.
To travel with an open mind is to learn.
To travel with an open heart is to grow

So I know this quote isn't epic or anything, but I came up with the thought in Costa Rica last month. I had lots of time to ponder/refresh in my room each night. It was kinda nice not to have technology and just enjoy reading...writing...and dancing a lot like an idiot :)

But yeah, the quote: In CR I learned so very much.

Step #1 I went.

Step #2 I opened my mind. Sometimes it was difficult as we had lectures on history and learned horrors about our own country and exploitation of those in Central America, but I had to keep my mind open. I couldn't plug my ears, run, or hide in shame. I had to listen, swallow it, and remember it. Let it sting, you know..Let it break my heart and initiate some change.

Step #3. While in CR I was also introduced to some new views on faith, God, worshiping, and all that stuff. Again, sometimes we want to turn away from different views, but I was intrigued and this was the easiest step :) As i was engulfed in the idea of much of Latin American theology, I felt my heart changing, I felt that growth.

So I guess what I'm saying is this:: Travel! go! But don't just go...don't just take lots of pictures and write a few journals. Seek knowledge, learn from the culture, meet people, hear stories, let your heart burst and let it break, but most of all...let it grow.

Blog terminated, journey initiated.

So in an unfortunate turn of events [so I believed]..all of my blogs but one from 2010 were deleted!

Thank God, literally, for Kristin who found a computer nerd way to save them. It's taking me quite a while and my comments are gone forever, but eh, who cares...I'll be slowly but surely rebuilding the archive.

As i am doing so, I started from the beginning...wow. It's so interesting to see how I've changed and in some ways how I haven't. Both are intriguing. At some points I wanted to delete some of my old posts, but then I realized...they were a part of me. A part of my journey. A part of my "wandering." I shouldn't be ashamed of what I once thought or how i perceived life, I should rejoice that I am always growing, thinking, exploring and have so many layers to still dive into.

So even though some of the blogs I will re-post don't necessarly represent me now, they represent a piece of me that has evolved. A person is not just a current state--they are a piece of art. They are worn in with marks of pain and wrinkles of laughter. Their eyes have witness both wondrous joy and heart wrenching scenes. But all...all of these things make up a person, a soul, a life.

Not that my blog is my life by any means, but it is a small glimpse into viewpoints and inspiration.

goodnight world.

22 things for 22 years

[[--sylvia plath ]]


[[courtesy of kristin hayes]]

well, it's official. I'm 22 years old. Technically it's really official around 4am since that's the time i literally popped out of the womb. But anyway, i figured in honor of my birthday i would record 22 things i've learned, cherish, or believe in. For some, i may elaborate, but for others, no explanation is needed.

here we goooo... [they are in no particular order, by the way]

1. Don't be bored. Louie Giglio once said, "there is no such thing as being bored, only boring people." explore. read. listen. grow. There is always an adventure waiting for you!
2. Travel...and do it on a budget! Hostels are cheap, and you're sure to meet a new, interesting friend! Take public transportation, and by all means, don't just hit up the tourist spots. Be a local for a day!
3. Stay true to your roots. It's like this, if everyone is always running away from their community because of the problems and issues, how will they ever get solved? It isn't the coolest, most glamourous thing to do, but it really can change the world. Sure, sometimes moving is necessary but just something to think about :)
4. Show up. i cannot even begin to describe how thankful i am that i showed up to events or places that seemed to be insignificant but changed my life.
5. When you feel inspired, don't delay. put off the homework for a second and jot down your idea, sketch your picture, or do what you do!
6. Be committed. My generation struggles with this so badly..including myself. Start something and finish it. Stick something out. When you promise someone, keep it. In a world where Facebook RSVP's translate like this: yes means maybe. maybe means no. and no means absolutley no...break the cycle :)
7. Find out where your stuff comes from. Did someone in a sweatshop make those sneakers? Did your diamond ring come at the cost of a life? Dare to google these things. And prepare to maybe make some changes!
8. Be aware of your waste. Skip the straw. Avoid the styrofoam. Make a compost pile!
9. Take the scenic route. It's good for your soul.
10. Dance at weddings.
11. Never skip out on a deep conversation just for an extra hour of sleep or to finish some homework. Life isn't about stuff, credentials, or working--it's about relationships.
12. Love someone long after it's fun, easy, or cool.
13. Listen to old people.
14. Shop local. it's way better than any wal*mart, target, or starbuck's.
15. Be honest. It's the most liberating thing in the world and the glue to the most beautiful friendships i am a part of.
16. Be informed, but don't watch the news too much. You will get sucked into a deep hole of negativity. Balance it out!
17. Have a hero or maybe 10. But know all about at least one of these people. Their life story, their struggles, their goals. And know that you put your shoes on just like they did, you breathe oxygen, and you, too have 24 hours in each day to make a difference.
18. Ask "why not?" It's a question that can rock the whole world. And surround yourself with others who ask this same thing on a regular basis.
19. If there are no nay-sayers around, reevaluate. If no one is harping on you or complaining about any aspect of your life--check it out. Dare to challenge. Dare to bring things out of the light. And remember that the fire only refines :)
20. Look at the stars. Please.
21. Don't take summer classes.. if at all possible!! This is a very personal opinion, but i think summer is a time to breathe in the warm air, drink lemonade, be barefoot, and travel the world.
22 Sing in the shower. And maybe even throw in some dance moves ;)

What if the next time they threw a war, no one showed up?

my friend Matt posted this article about war. I enjoyed it a lot.

It is an interesting thing to consider, or at least I find it to be interesting. War is such a confusing thing because in our fallen world today, it sometimes seems necessary. But i truly can't believe that darkness will drive out darkness. I truly can't believe that killing can cause peace. I just...can't. And although this will be a life-long debate with people of all faiths everywhere, for me, at this point, i cry out for peace. i cry out for now more war. no more violence. no more guns. But not just peace. Peace meaning good will to all, is a great thing to desire. But my boyfriend, will, made a good point to me the other day--the opposite of war is actually creation. War is destruction. Peace is not the opposite of war necessarily. In fact, creation really would be the more literal anytonym.

So let me rephrase:: not only do i desire peace--goodwill toward all--I desire creation. Creation of friendships, art, atmospheres of acceptance and diversity.


I'll end this post with a quote that I have read before but was reminded of in this article. Always gets me thinking::

You, my church, told me it was wrong to kill … except in war.
You, my teachers, told me it was wrong to kill … except in war.
You, my father and mother, told me it was wrong to kill … except in war.
You, my friends, told me it was wrong to kill … except in war.
You, my government, told me it was wrong to kill … except in war.
But now I know, you were wrong, and now I will tell you, my church, my teachers, my father and mother, my friends, my government, it is not wrong to kill except in war. It is wrong to kill. --George Mizo

Lifeee

my friend/roommate Kristin pasted this little baby in my inspirational books she made me for Christmas.

And I loove it :)

Final Reflections from Swaziland

On Thursday Sara (who is here with her family thru AIM and is also a nursing student) and I went to Skhalini, one of the most rural carepoints, to set up a mini clinic. We laid some mats down under a tree, set up all our supplies (lots of medicine, bandages, stethoscopes, etc), and formed a system for children and others to come one by one and sit down and tell us their symptoms (Nombali, our wonderful translator was also sitting with us on the mat).

As we were still setting up and people were gathering around, I felt someone behind me, it was a small girl. She was kind of leaning on me and as I turned to interact with her, the gogo spoke to her immediately and obviously told her to get up and go away as she quickly retreated. I didn’t think much of it and went back to the task at hand.

We saw about 10-12 people, which was a nice number because we got to treat each person in a non-rushed way. We saw coughs, skin lesions, headaches, sore throats, and everything in between. As we were on our last patient, I was listening to her breath sounds to make sure her lungs didn’t have fluid and Sara was just sitting to the side. The same little girl from the beginning plopped down. With a stethoscope in hand, and experience to be gained, Sara figured why not listen to her little heart?

Thankfully she did.

Her pulse was very high at 180 beats per minute and it was bounding. You could listen to any spot on her abdomen and hear it clearly. As we took a closer look we discovered her breathing was very labored and she even had a fever. Soon our previous patient was handed medicine and our focus became this little girl.

As it turned out, she was 3 years old but had no older sibling, cousin, or gogo to represent her. Whereas all the previous kids we saw had that. She had come the carepoint by herself entirely. No one was there to put her in the front of the line. No one was there to even bring her to the mat to let us know she was ill. And for that matter no one even knew she was sick (as they shooed her away unknowingly). After a little more assessing and a phone call to a more experienced health care professional, we determined she was dehydrated and probably also needed an antibiotic for her ailment. We didn’t have the antibiotic in hand, but we did have something for her fever and some water. This particular carepoint is very far from a water source, so we had packed a jug, and sooo glad we did as we poured a cup and she just chugged it. Then another. Then the medicine. She was one thirsty little girl.

We sat there a little longer with her and told the gogo’s to make sure she had water the next day too (we left the jug), but as I reflect, this story is symbolic of so much more than just giving a little girl water.

So many times in life we have a system to serve people. Think about it, whether it’s a church outreach or feeding people at the city mission—there is structure. And sometimes structure is completely necessary, but serving doesn’t need to only occur in structure. Because of our system we were creating, the gogo obviously saw this little girl as a mere distraction to our “mission”. She didn’t see her need, her sickness, or her thirst. She just saw a hang up in the smooth operation. And if we only focus on operations, outreaches, and structured events, we are missing out on so much!!

Serving people, loving people, being the hands and feet of Jesus is not always convenient, efficient, or easy. It does not only occur in planned settings, missions trips, or camps. Nor should it. Serving should not be a once a week event…it should be a mindset. But before we can serve others, we must know the need. And knowing the need takes a little time and effort. We must open our eyes or ask God to give us His eyes. We must be mindful of those around us, not just so focused on our own agenda that anything aside from our desire is a “distraction”. The biggest step however, is after knowing the need, practically meeting it. So often WE are the answer to the prayer we lift up. So many times we think that a system or structure should be put in place to solve a problem, but really…maybe it’s as simple as a cup of water. Maybe it’s as simple as giving that homeless man a cheeseburger. Maybe it’s as simple as visiting your Grandma. And maybe the cups of water and cheeseburgers and visits will add up and make something beautiful. Something people see, something that is contagious, something that is bigger than ourselves.

So may we not be distracted by details today. May we not be bogged down with outlines and itineraries—although very useful sometimes. May we see the pain around us whether it be under our same roof or across the ocean, and may we respond with it in confidence knowing that we can’t do everything, be each of us can do something, and something is always better than nothing!

Week 1 -- so good to be back :)

Sometimes I wonder if someone came to Nsoko without any prior knowledge of the HIV/AIDs epidemic, how long would it take him or her to wonder what was going on? Would they wonder why so many of the children are missing one or both of their parents? Would they wonder why those who are frail and deathly ill are in their beds? Would they wonder when they saw a whole section of the hospital especially for ARV Treatment or heard the woman there say that 42% of the mothers admitted there are positive? Or maybe they would really wonder why one of the questions at youth group with the girls was “where did HIV come from and how can we preventing it?”

Then I think the flip side of this question—how long would it take to forget? Would they forget in all the huge smiles of the children? Or the beautiful singing at church? Or maybe in the intensely fun games of netball or soccer? I’m not sure how the person who had no prior knowledge would take all this, but I know how I do. I forget so often. I get caught up in the love, joy, and laughter and seem to get my heart broken, and re-broken each time something hard comes up…which is on about a tri-daily basis. I haven’t gotten used to it, and I hope I never will. I hope it never becomes the status quo in my heart to see the pain and suffering caused by this horrible disease.

…. On a more non-organized or well-written note, here is a rundown of week one:

So much can change in a year!! That was apparent as soon as we entered the center aka our home. We now have SHOWERS in the center, with hot water sometimes!! What?! We don’t just get 5 small bits of chicken once a week, but instead, have a standard portion of meat in our meals three times a week. We now have a table and chairs, an extra toilet, a fan, and a new ride! The Kombi that looked like a 1970’s hippie van (which I personally loved) is out, and the Toyota Noah (like a mini-mini-van) is in! I feel like I’m at the Nsoko Hilton!! Oh, well…minus the fact that we have also developed a new extreme cockroach problem, ha. They are EVERYWHERE, but it doesn’t really bother me? Ha.

Another thing that has changed are the children! My gosh they have all grown so much! I feel like my mom saying it, but really my babies are getting so big! However, I will say, waiting a year to reunite with people you love, makes that reunion very dramatically awesome! Thandie and I ran 20ft each and met in a giant hug, and as some of the kids said “Kati!” we embraced with that same enthusiasm. Ahhh, so awesome. Especially to think, they had no clue I was returning, so it was just like…Surprise! Ha J

On a more ministry related note—we have had such a great week with a good bit of variety. We have done many carepoint visits, which is always awesome. We taught lessons, fetched water (it took 45 minutes and was like Be Hope to Her in real life), held the kids, and played games. We also did some house visits—one was with a very sick man who was delighted that we came to give him food and pray with him, and the other was with a gogo (grandma) of one of our translators or ministry partners, Mxolisi. This was such a great visit that I will elaborate on more one day. We have had women’s time, youth time, church, sorted medical supplies, visited the hospital and of course an epic netball game (usa vs. swazi). Overall, I am more than thrilled to be back to my second home here and even more thrilled to share it with some of my very best friends J That’s all for now!

Swazi Bound! :)

helloooo all!

So for the next 5.5 weeks my blog is going to be transformed a bit! Normally I just use it for everyday types of ramblings and book reviews and quotes and...well you get the picture :) But over the next month or so, I will be out of town. Actually out of the continent.

This is where I will be ---> Nsoko, Swaziland

Last year I spent 2 wonderful months in this small, HIV-ravished community. I met people in the worst of circumstances holding onto God in a way I have never seen in my life. I saw so much brokenness, but then again, I saw more faith than ever. I saw joy through the struggle. I saw smiles through the pain. And I started to really grasp the concept depending on God. Like...losing your family-not having a job-hungry-but-still-worshiping-with-total-Joy kind of dependence. I learned that simplicity is intimacy and felt God in a whole new way as I wasn't distracted by tv's, texts, or tweets. But most of all, I felt God break my heart into pieces for what breaks His. I felt the call ever so clearly that we live in a hurting world, and Jesus doesn't just save us to go to Heaven, He really does desire us to bring the Kingdom to earth. Or as Shane Claiborne puts it best:

"For even if the whole world believed in resurrection, little would change until we began to practice it. We can believe in CPR, but people will remain dead until someone breathes new life into them. And we can tell the world that there is life after death, but the world really seems to be wondering if there is life before death."

As I return to Nsoko I cannot WAIT to be reunited with my Swazi family--the kids, the gogo's, our translators--my family. I also can't wait for the perfect weather [it's winter there], no mosquitoes, and allllll the shooting stars. But i really, really, really can't wait to share all these things, experiences, and relationships with some of my best friends who will be joining me for the first half of the trip--Kayla, Kelly, Lindsay, and Sarah.

So here we gooooo! If you'd like to join me on this adventure, feel free to peek the blog every week or so! Who knows how often I'll update, but when interned is available, I shall try :)

peace&love

-kati

peace lover or peacemaker?

"A peace lover is someone who enjoys the absence of conflict, but a peacemaker is someone who is proactively engaged in works of reconciliation in every sphere of life, from the personal to the global." -Chasing Francis, p. 136

...an interesting way to put it. I find myself asking, which one am I?

2 of my lovely friends, Kelly and Lindsay, on International Day of Peace at Marshall

Why I Don't Shop at Wal*Mart

citation: mrzine.monthlyreview.org

Some of you have heard the rant 50,000 times, but it has become apparent to me that others have wondered exactly...why do i refuse to shop at wal-mart?

i mean after all--low prices, opened 24 hours, easily accessible (they are everywhere) and the list goes on.

Well it's been almost 3 years since i have purchased something from this company, and i can thank my professor who enlightened me with "The High Cost of Low Price" [http://www.walmartmovie.com/] Now when I first saw this documentary that absolutely picks wal-mart apart from top do bottom on issues like global explotation, discrimination, costing taxpayers millions, running small businesss out of town, etc. etc. I sat in horror. I shopped at wal*mart at least every 2 weeks. I mean we were talking the place i got all my pictures developed, my contact solution, my school supplies, my underwear, etc etc. WAL-MART COULDN'T BE EVIL!!! My professor was obviously just angry at the world.

but.

it burned inside of me. After day 3 of the movie, i was mortified at what i had been supporting. Pause: some of you may be thinking "Kati, you let one documentary change you this much." Answer: no. I wanted this stuff to be untrue! I wanted low prices!! I DID!!! But to my dismay, as I researched and resarched...it was true. Wal-Mart really did have horrible practices. They really were getting sued. and they really WERE on the "Sweatshop Hall of Fame."

so that's when I did it. I felt so convicted. How could i support this type of treatment to these chinese and hondurus workers? how could i let any part of my dollar go toward such a disgusting act. and right then and there, I said...no to wal-mart.

Some of you may be thinking, "Kati, every place has sweatshops. Answer: No. And don't worry, I don't discriminate against Wal-Mart and Wal-Mart only, in fact, i desperately attempt to avoid all companies that are found guilty of such exploitation.

Some of you may also be thinking, "Well the only reason all this stuff is about Wal-Mart is because it's the largest corporation in the world." Answer: I'm sure that the fact that Wal-Mart is so large certainly affects how much of a microscope it is under. However, in no way, shape, or form, in my opinion, does that give us a reason to excuse their behavior. Not to mention, as a global corporate leader, isn't even more important for them to set a GOOD example rather than a horrible one?

So there it is. My main reason for not shopping at wal-mart. However, reason #2 is actually growing stronger these days. Here is a quote that sums it up beautifully:


"Wal-Mart’s corporate philosophy is to drive down the cost of doing business and keep profits high principally by reducing labor costs. Wal-Mart executives and shareholders are confident that the taxpayer will pick up the difference between their pay rate and a living wage. In a sense our social welfare system is enabling companies to operate sweatshops. I’m not suggesting we should eliminate the social safety net; rather I’m suggesting that when a company’s employees need to reach out for assistance, there should be consequences. If Wal -Mart prefers that the taxpayers subsidize their profits, then we should send them the bill." [http://www.examiner.com/x-2071-DC-Special-Interests-Examiner~y2009m1d12-WalMart-is-a-sweatshop]

do you realize thru many wal-mart practices, you the tax payer are contributing billions of dollars to their corporation/employees? that "great deal" isn't really a great deal in the long run. check out some these links for some statistics:

http://wakeupwalmart.com/facts/taxes.html

http://www.ideamouth.com/politics/walmartflyer.pdf


...so there you have it for anyone in the world who ever wondered or ever desired to know more about this giant that is literally trying to take over our country it seems. Is this decision easy? No. it's highly inconvenient on many occasions. is it do-able? totally. Am i special for doing this? No. Anyone can. And it would be beautiful if some saw it the way i did. but if you choose not to, well that's fine too. members or my own family still shop there and i still love them all the same.

my only wish is that this may open your eyes to the lesson I learned.."too good to be true" has a whole new meaning. and many times, our good bargains come at the price of someone else. some say free trade is overall the best thing, and there are always 2 sides to every argument. maybe it is overall the best, and maybe ANY Job, even when exploited is better than none. and maybe i am too much of an idealist, but..i believe in a better way. and this is what my heart says for now!

Lifetime Prayer

I've been reading "Chasing Francis" by Ian Morgan Cron. I'm dreading ending it because it is truly opening my eyes and showing me so many great things, but for now, here's a little treasure i just read before bed.

O Lord, make us instruments of Thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let us sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that we may not
so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life;

-francis of assisi

i want to paint this and hang it on a wall wherever i go in the years to come.

also reminds me of a wonderful song, Surely We Can Change, by david crowder band.

both are incredible reminders and prayers of the life i desire to live. who's with me? :)

heartache for Juarez, Mexico :(

my church has been going to Juarez for nearly 10 years teaming up with "casitas del ray" and other groups to help build homes, soup kitchens, have Bible school for the kids, and just love and serve the people of this violence-stricken city.

i got the chance to go 3 years ago and again the following year. Of course, as the rest of the group does year, after year, i fell in love with the hospitable, gracious people of the city. the children melted my heart and constantly wanted to hold hands, skip, and play--3 of my favorite activities! despite all the fun and joy, the violence there was very tense at the time. There is a drug war going on between the cartel of Juarez and the government. And even in our short time there, several murders occurred, we encountered the military right at our front door, and upon returning to the states we learned that our church was just 1.5 miles away from the location of dozens of raped and murdered women. Juarez is called the most dangerous city in the world by many sources.

wowza, right? I'm not going to lie, i had a few nightmares while i was there, but we constantly prayed and God was with us every step of the way to make sure we didn't let the fear affect loving and serving.

this year, my church will not go to Juarez as we are doing a local mission project, but just as the bumper stickers of many members say-- Juarez is in our hearts. Always. a few minutes ago, i "stumbled" upon this site of photographs of the latest violence. Tears welled up in my eyes as i thought of the many people i love there that have to deal with this on a daily basis. I wish I had the answer to all this, but all i can do is pray, and ask you to as well! Warning: before clicking on "site" please know the pictures are very graphic. but also very real.

in honor of those in Juarez, and of the woman who this story is about--here is a note i wrote about my time there in 2008::

I've had a lot of good hugs in my life, but 3 days ago, I received the best hug ever on a sandy street in Juarez, Mexico during my mission trip.

I know what you're thinking, how could I, a person who loves hugs and gives them out so often, possibly pick one out like this and call it the best? But read on and maybe you'll understand...

Our group went to Mexico to build a soup kitchen. A soup kitchen that had been prayed about for an entire year by an awesome preacher name Julio and his community. By Thursday, we had went extreme home makeover on that cement slab and constructed a cute little building were 45 hungry kids would be fed each day. We decorated it with bible verses and pictures too. The room's bright yellow walls would warm anybody's heart, seriously.

So after the building was constructed we had a dedication. Nearly 200 children showed up by the end of the night!! Along with plenty of adults. It was a the main event fo sho.

Shortly after the 2 hour preaching/singing/and other festivities we fed everyone hot dogs. Next was the toy give away. As this was coming to an end I was approached by an elderly lady. Kayla and I had passed her in the street from a distance a couple days before and she had that same familiar grin on her face this evening. As she approached me I could see her tanned, wrinkled cheeks. She put her hand out and was saying "Gracias" (thank you) in the most genuine tone I'd heard all week. Of course, I bypassed the hand and threw my arms around her for what I thought would be a brief, normal hug.

I was very wrong.

What started out as a wimpy hug turned into a full fledge grasp. She meant it. And as she spoke throughout the 3 minute intense embrace, I knew few words. I understood all the children, God, and thank you. Those phrases were repeated often. And somehow...standing there with sweat on my shirt and sand all over me, hanging on to a women who speaks a totally different language than myself...I could feel her thankfulness.

Yes. Feel it.

No one clings like that and speaks those words of thanksgiving without truly meaning it. And as we stand there arm in arm, I literally got goosebumps. And shortly before we released from our embrace, I looked down into her worn out eyes and saw tears. Tears of happiness. Tears from a lady who truly cared about all those little children running around. Tears from a lady who knew where the building came from...not from a group of 20 Americans, but from God. He made it happen. He just used us to help show His love.

And in that moment, it was all so clear.

Goal.

One of my goals for the next 40 some days before I leave for Swaziland is to live intentionally in the present. To participate and not anticipate.... Of course I'll still set aside an ample amount of time to daydream--just not excessive ;)

[photo thanks to postsecret ]

ειρήνη [Peace]

So breathe in with faith, and out with his peace,
May the gospel of Jesus, may the gospel of Jesus, may the gospel of Jesus
Wash over me.

-jimmy needham [the Gospel]

...I love how the Gospel doesn't just give me forgiveness, love, and life after death...I love that it gives me peace in this current life. Some sort of order to my chaos. A voice that tells me, I'm going to be just fine, regardless of how many exams, projects and events. Regardless of how marked up my planner is.

Regardless.

I am loved ...regardless of my actions, good or bad.

I am forgiven ...regardless of my awareness of each sin, or my confession even.

I am at ease ...regardless of how crazy my life gets, because I sense this Peace. I love this Peace. I know this peace.

and because of that wonderful "regardless" equation.... I am free. So free. And it is the best feeling in the entire world and I really just want everyone to feel it.

Be Hope to Her.

Last year when I committed to being the campus rep for this event, I imagined a low-key little gathering of the usual committed folks who desire change for the better.

As planning began and excitement built..a lot of people began to come to the meetings. And before I knew it, I was surrounded by an incredible cast of caring individuals and watched in awe as the duo of Nick and Miranda worked with such zeal and passion.

Then came day before the event...I got incredible sick, throwing up and the whole 9 yards. And the morning of, as I stumbled out of bed with not noly a slight tinge of possible "hey i may vom" feeling due to the virus inside of me, but also a bit nervous to se just how this would all pan out...after all 2 of Nuru's staff were there, waiting..expecting..hoping.

In a very dramatic way, I arrived just in time to begin. I really can't describe exactly how I felt as I walked through Buskirk field and peered forward to an array of beautifully arranged bright yellow buckets surrounding the fountain. I couldn't help but feel the happiness well up inside of me, and then as I approached and saw the amount of people--people who cared!!!!--gosh..it was just... amazing.

And the event itself really doesn't need to much explaining...a truly hubmbling experience to put it lightly.

So..the point of all this? I am more than ecstatic about this year's event. I have seen what happens when we come together with passion. I have seen what a 30 minute walk can do to people. I have seen people become Hope to others while hope was also re-introduced in their own lives, too.

In tribute to all my excitement and giddy-ness...AND since sign-ups start tomorrow, here is the promo video for Be hope to Her! Hope you enjoy :)

Waiting.

Waiting.

This postsecret struck me when I first read it several months, or maybe even a year ago. Some secrets are weird, some are fun, and some I just read and think...that is incredibly true. I had the latter thought when I saw this one.

Waiting.

...to graduate.

...for that relationship.

...for dreams in general.

...for Heaven.

...for that awesome weekend next month..

the list...

could go...

on forever...

Waiting.


I believe we are all indeed, in some sense, waiting, but that isn't really what I want to debate. The question I want to pose is, "What are we doing while we wait?"

The thing is, goals, dreams, and excitement for the future are all wonderful :) And trustttt me, this blog is coming from the girl who is the queen of countdowns, the biggest daydreamer you'll meet, and the same person who drew giraffes on her notes in class and dreamed about Swaziland 10 months before she even left.

I embrace this part of my personality to an extent and have always loved the famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

But we must remember....there is a path to that future and those dreams, and we must live it. We must walk on it. As I learned last summer,

"Participate don't just anticipate."

Think about us as a society...so often we don't really, realllllly just embrace each moment. Even when we are talking to someone, or maybe in class--lots of times we are texting. Not fully listening, not fully aware, but two places at once. Again, sometimes necessary, but just as necessary is to be totally aware at times. Take it all in. Soak it up...Putting all our energy and passion into the present.

How often do we relish in the moment? How often do we stop worrying about the fact that we are waiting on so many things to happen, and just trust. Just have faith. Just know that yesterday is certainly not coming back, who knows about tomorrow...but right now--it is worth so much. It holds so much potential, how can we even think of letting it slip by? Let's go! Let's live!

Yet we do. I do. But I want to improve. I want to learn the art of waiting patiently while living fearlessly. I want to hold on to my aspirations, daydreams and of course be sure to prepare for things of my future...but don't get hung up on what hasn't happened yet and all the expectations. I want to live now. love now. show grace now. be passionate now.

I celebrated Chinese New Year tonight, so maybe this will be my Chinese new years resolution? Who wants to join? :)

...and a little Emerson to end this with:

We are always getting ready to live but never living. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

♫Have you ever looked fear in the face And said I just dont care ♫

If you watched the Grammy's, this is the song P!nk performed hanging from the rafters in an acrobatic kind of way. Some of you may imagine P!nk and songs that may come to mind are upbeat and girl-powerish... and maybe just rebellious. But this is more of a balled about love, life, and just taking that risk. It's about those moments in life, that may be good, may be bad, may be scary..but are defining. At some points it reminds me of the the quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower, "And I swear, in that moment, we were infinite."


Anywho, I think it is beautiful :) Please let me know what you think and how you interpret it too!

Glitter in the Air by P!nk

Have you ever fed a lover
With just your hands
Close your eyes
And trusted, just trusted
Have you ever thrown
A fist full of glitter in the air
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
And the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way...

Have you ever hated yourself
For staring at the phone
Your whole life waiting on the ring
To prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently
You had to cry
Have you ever invited a stranger
To come inside

I'ts only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way...

la la la la la la la la

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, callin' me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night
Lassoed the moon and the stars
And pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath
And asked yourself
Will it ever get better
Than tonight, tonight.......

Farewell, 2009--Small things.

A year has passed. flown by. sailed by...ok I'm out of synonyms. But seriously...as I get older, the years become such a blur! Which is fitting, I suppose, since God says this life is just a vapor. And he doesn't kid around! :)

And when I look back at this blur, it's hard to recall all the lessons I've learned, in fact..impossible. And even more impossible to type most of them out--it would take too long! But I am a huge advocate of self reflection. Looking within ourselves, meditating on what we are doing, what we are thinking, what our motives are, etc. So I have done this a little bit today, and although it's hard to sum up a year in a single idea, this is my frail little attempt :P

Zechariah 4:10 says this "who has despised the day of small things?"

This verse isn't' necessarily one you memorize in AWANA or see on a bumper sticker, but as I read it over and over, I just loved it. The verse is a reply to those who were disappointed that the new temple wouldn't match the previous one in size and splendor.

Small things.

In 2009, I started to take more notice of the small things. How much they affect my life, others, and of course how God has always, and continues to use small things..here we go!

:: A simple decision--to show up. So much of my year was transformed by showing up. It started last Jan. when I showed up to the MLK celebration. I met Gena. She's now one of my best friends and I forget what life was like before she was around. Then, after hearing so much about the riverfront and hanging out with some homeless folks, I finally showed up. It, too, has changed my life. And then when I really was supposed to be studying by most people's standards, but I decided to show up to the latest Invisible Children screening...wow.. I could go on, but really..it's incredible the things that happen when you show up.

:: A phone call-- I had no idea what Nuru international was. I didn't even know who Rebecca Cummings was yet, but she knew I "organized stuff and loved africa" so told Nuru to call me to be the Marshall rep for BH20. The next thing I know, Be Hope to Her is more than an idea. It's a beautiful group of people taking initiative to do something amazing and then accomplishing it, building a well in Kuria, Kenya.

:: A dollar-- That represented so much more.

:: A hug -- one that says goodbye, one that says hello, one that says I've missed, or maybe the best kind, one that says, I'm with you. I had a lot of those kinds of hugs this year, especially in Swaziland. I hugged people I had just met, but I meant it and so did they... Genuine affection. Simple act, yet much deeper than that.

:: Running water-- when the water was off in Swazi, we had to walk and get it like the rest of the community. Pump it, carry it, and then savor it. There's no fancy metaphor with this one, it just made me more appreciative...period :)

:: A stack of coupons -- something I received each Sunday from my Mammaw before she passed away in September. Not just carelessly cut out, but from specific stores and restaurants I loved. Tedious work, but she did it with joy, because she loved me. It was a small way to show big love, and now I save the final stack of coupons I received 2 days before her stroke on my desk to never forget.

...Never forget Mammaw, but also never forget that concept. The power in simple things, that is. God used a staff, a penny, and a stone to change the world. Maybe God works through you with a kind word, maybe a hug, maybe you show up, or maybe you cut coupons, but whatever you do, do it with love and watch.. :)

p.s. JJ Heller- The Little Things