What if the next time they threw a war, no one showed up?

my friend Matt posted this article about war. I enjoyed it a lot.

It is an interesting thing to consider, or at least I find it to be interesting. War is such a confusing thing because in our fallen world today, it sometimes seems necessary. But i truly can't believe that darkness will drive out darkness. I truly can't believe that killing can cause peace. I just...can't. And although this will be a life-long debate with people of all faiths everywhere, for me, at this point, i cry out for peace. i cry out for now more war. no more violence. no more guns. But not just peace. Peace meaning good will to all, is a great thing to desire. But my boyfriend, will, made a good point to me the other day--the opposite of war is actually creation. War is destruction. Peace is not the opposite of war necessarily. In fact, creation really would be the more literal anytonym.

So let me rephrase:: not only do i desire peace--goodwill toward all--I desire creation. Creation of friendships, art, atmospheres of acceptance and diversity.


I'll end this post with a quote that I have read before but was reminded of in this article. Always gets me thinking::

You, my church, told me it was wrong to kill … except in war.
You, my teachers, told me it was wrong to kill … except in war.
You, my father and mother, told me it was wrong to kill … except in war.
You, my friends, told me it was wrong to kill … except in war.
You, my government, told me it was wrong to kill … except in war.
But now I know, you were wrong, and now I will tell you, my church, my teachers, my father and mother, my friends, my government, it is not wrong to kill except in war. It is wrong to kill. --George Mizo

Final Reflections from Swaziland

On Thursday Sara (who is here with her family thru AIM and is also a nursing student) and I went to Skhalini, one of the most rural carepoints, to set up a mini clinic. We laid some mats down under a tree, set up all our supplies (lots of medicine, bandages, stethoscopes, etc), and formed a system for children and others to come one by one and sit down and tell us their symptoms (Nombali, our wonderful translator was also sitting with us on the mat).

As we were still setting up and people were gathering around, I felt someone behind me, it was a small girl. She was kind of leaning on me and as I turned to interact with her, the gogo spoke to her immediately and obviously told her to get up and go away as she quickly retreated. I didn’t think much of it and went back to the task at hand.

We saw about 10-12 people, which was a nice number because we got to treat each person in a non-rushed way. We saw coughs, skin lesions, headaches, sore throats, and everything in between. As we were on our last patient, I was listening to her breath sounds to make sure her lungs didn’t have fluid and Sara was just sitting to the side. The same little girl from the beginning plopped down. With a stethoscope in hand, and experience to be gained, Sara figured why not listen to her little heart?

Thankfully she did.

Her pulse was very high at 180 beats per minute and it was bounding. You could listen to any spot on her abdomen and hear it clearly. As we took a closer look we discovered her breathing was very labored and she even had a fever. Soon our previous patient was handed medicine and our focus became this little girl.

As it turned out, she was 3 years old but had no older sibling, cousin, or gogo to represent her. Whereas all the previous kids we saw had that. She had come the carepoint by herself entirely. No one was there to put her in the front of the line. No one was there to even bring her to the mat to let us know she was ill. And for that matter no one even knew she was sick (as they shooed her away unknowingly). After a little more assessing and a phone call to a more experienced health care professional, we determined she was dehydrated and probably also needed an antibiotic for her ailment. We didn’t have the antibiotic in hand, but we did have something for her fever and some water. This particular carepoint is very far from a water source, so we had packed a jug, and sooo glad we did as we poured a cup and she just chugged it. Then another. Then the medicine. She was one thirsty little girl.

We sat there a little longer with her and told the gogo’s to make sure she had water the next day too (we left the jug), but as I reflect, this story is symbolic of so much more than just giving a little girl water.

So many times in life we have a system to serve people. Think about it, whether it’s a church outreach or feeding people at the city mission—there is structure. And sometimes structure is completely necessary, but serving doesn’t need to only occur in structure. Because of our system we were creating, the gogo obviously saw this little girl as a mere distraction to our “mission”. She didn’t see her need, her sickness, or her thirst. She just saw a hang up in the smooth operation. And if we only focus on operations, outreaches, and structured events, we are missing out on so much!!

Serving people, loving people, being the hands and feet of Jesus is not always convenient, efficient, or easy. It does not only occur in planned settings, missions trips, or camps. Nor should it. Serving should not be a once a week event…it should be a mindset. But before we can serve others, we must know the need. And knowing the need takes a little time and effort. We must open our eyes or ask God to give us His eyes. We must be mindful of those around us, not just so focused on our own agenda that anything aside from our desire is a “distraction”. The biggest step however, is after knowing the need, practically meeting it. So often WE are the answer to the prayer we lift up. So many times we think that a system or structure should be put in place to solve a problem, but really…maybe it’s as simple as a cup of water. Maybe it’s as simple as giving that homeless man a cheeseburger. Maybe it’s as simple as visiting your Grandma. And maybe the cups of water and cheeseburgers and visits will add up and make something beautiful. Something people see, something that is contagious, something that is bigger than ourselves.

So may we not be distracted by details today. May we not be bogged down with outlines and itineraries—although very useful sometimes. May we see the pain around us whether it be under our same roof or across the ocean, and may we respond with it in confidence knowing that we can’t do everything, be each of us can do something, and something is always better than nothing!

Washing Clothes

The task "washing clothes" used to be something i put on my to-do list at home and allotted about 15 minutes to complete. I mean, the sequence is usually : gather clothes, put in washer, pour detergent, push 3 buttons, then carry on until they are dry and switch them to the dryer which takes pushing 2 more buttons.

Well, things have changed. This small task is now something I take part in, and when I do, I dedicate 3 hours to.

Phindele is 28, has two kids, and works at the center for us. She does all sorts of jobs and one is laundry. This can be a daunting task when the teams are large and the clothes pile up, so I like to help her. To think how long it takes the TWO of us some days, I think she would be there til dark if I didn't offer a little help. Anyway, I like helping her for a lot of reasons--first, she is great and I just like to spend quality time with her and gaining a little insight into her world, second, i think anyone would agree that it's nice to have some help and I would love the same, and third, i am not only with Pandele, but with all the gogo's who cook, too (it's all under the same little shelter). I like spending time with these ladies behind the scenes. The kids are precious, and fun, don't get me wrong..but these women are just amazing. They are the epitome of strong--emotionally and physically. They are dedicated. They don't get paid to cook the food, they do it because they care about the children of their community. They care. Can't we all stand to do that a little more? I think so :)

But aside from encouraging me to care and love for those around me, this tedious task has taught me other important lessons.

Washing clothes has taught me something machines have done. I mean, i know they decrease the amount of time of chores and that is great. But they also do something else. You see, when you hand wash your clothes you realize how many you have. If you have so many clothes that you can allow them to pile up 5 miles before washing, you will QUICKLY regret it as you scrub and scrub and scrub for hours. As you are elbow deep in suds with wrinkling fingertips, you may ask yourself, "do I realllly need this many pairs of underwear?" Because washing them, using your own hands [and it is such a workout!] really forms a different relationship with your clothes and you. I know that may sound a little crazy, but i mean it. You appreciate it more as you rub your hands raw trying to get that stain out. When you wear it the next time, you remember the hard work, and instead of just wearing it once, you get lots of use of it to make all that time worth it.

Washing clothes has also taught me appreciation for Pandele and all the other ladies in the world that take on this thankless job. In the past, I would have my clothes washed and handed the money over and said oh yeah, thank you! Then i went on my way...from now on, i want to hug these people! This is not an easy job! Even my Mom...side note::Mom--thanks for always getting allllll that dirt out of my softball socks :) I know how hard it is now. Really though, so often we overlook the "little" jobs in the world, the jobs that our society doesn't appreciate at all. They are important, and if you don't think they are, see what happens when the people that do them quit. i.e. what if the janitor at your workplace quit? Who would scrub the toilets, take the trash out, etc? I think we could all use a little more manners and thank those who do the tough, dirty jobs and oftentimes receive zero recognition.

I could go on, but instead I will say this--try it! Try washing your clothes by hand one day. Grab two buckets, some powder soap and pick a sunny day so you can dry them. I've already made a promise to myself that washing by hand is going to be a part of my life in the future. Even if it is just one weekend a month, I wanna drag my little kiddies and hubby outside and make it a family event. I really believe in it for so many reasons and hope you'll give it a try :)

Week 1 -- so good to be back :)

Sometimes I wonder if someone came to Nsoko without any prior knowledge of the HIV/AIDs epidemic, how long would it take him or her to wonder what was going on? Would they wonder why so many of the children are missing one or both of their parents? Would they wonder why those who are frail and deathly ill are in their beds? Would they wonder when they saw a whole section of the hospital especially for ARV Treatment or heard the woman there say that 42% of the mothers admitted there are positive? Or maybe they would really wonder why one of the questions at youth group with the girls was “where did HIV come from and how can we preventing it?”

Then I think the flip side of this question—how long would it take to forget? Would they forget in all the huge smiles of the children? Or the beautiful singing at church? Or maybe in the intensely fun games of netball or soccer? I’m not sure how the person who had no prior knowledge would take all this, but I know how I do. I forget so often. I get caught up in the love, joy, and laughter and seem to get my heart broken, and re-broken each time something hard comes up…which is on about a tri-daily basis. I haven’t gotten used to it, and I hope I never will. I hope it never becomes the status quo in my heart to see the pain and suffering caused by this horrible disease.

…. On a more non-organized or well-written note, here is a rundown of week one:

So much can change in a year!! That was apparent as soon as we entered the center aka our home. We now have SHOWERS in the center, with hot water sometimes!! What?! We don’t just get 5 small bits of chicken once a week, but instead, have a standard portion of meat in our meals three times a week. We now have a table and chairs, an extra toilet, a fan, and a new ride! The Kombi that looked like a 1970’s hippie van (which I personally loved) is out, and the Toyota Noah (like a mini-mini-van) is in! I feel like I’m at the Nsoko Hilton!! Oh, well…minus the fact that we have also developed a new extreme cockroach problem, ha. They are EVERYWHERE, but it doesn’t really bother me? Ha.

Another thing that has changed are the children! My gosh they have all grown so much! I feel like my mom saying it, but really my babies are getting so big! However, I will say, waiting a year to reunite with people you love, makes that reunion very dramatically awesome! Thandie and I ran 20ft each and met in a giant hug, and as some of the kids said “Kati!” we embraced with that same enthusiasm. Ahhh, so awesome. Especially to think, they had no clue I was returning, so it was just like…Surprise! Ha J

On a more ministry related note—we have had such a great week with a good bit of variety. We have done many carepoint visits, which is always awesome. We taught lessons, fetched water (it took 45 minutes and was like Be Hope to Her in real life), held the kids, and played games. We also did some house visits—one was with a very sick man who was delighted that we came to give him food and pray with him, and the other was with a gogo (grandma) of one of our translators or ministry partners, Mxolisi. This was such a great visit that I will elaborate on more one day. We have had women’s time, youth time, church, sorted medical supplies, visited the hospital and of course an epic netball game (usa vs. swazi). Overall, I am more than thrilled to be back to my second home here and even more thrilled to share it with some of my very best friends J That’s all for now!

Swazi Bound! :)

helloooo all!

So for the next 5.5 weeks my blog is going to be transformed a bit! Normally I just use it for everyday types of ramblings and book reviews and quotes and...well you get the picture :) But over the next month or so, I will be out of town. Actually out of the continent.

This is where I will be ---> Nsoko, Swaziland

Last year I spent 2 wonderful months in this small, HIV-ravished community. I met people in the worst of circumstances holding onto God in a way I have never seen in my life. I saw so much brokenness, but then again, I saw more faith than ever. I saw joy through the struggle. I saw smiles through the pain. And I started to really grasp the concept depending on God. Like...losing your family-not having a job-hungry-but-still-worshiping-with-total-Joy kind of dependence. I learned that simplicity is intimacy and felt God in a whole new way as I wasn't distracted by tv's, texts, or tweets. But most of all, I felt God break my heart into pieces for what breaks His. I felt the call ever so clearly that we live in a hurting world, and Jesus doesn't just save us to go to Heaven, He really does desire us to bring the Kingdom to earth. Or as Shane Claiborne puts it best:

"For even if the whole world believed in resurrection, little would change until we began to practice it. We can believe in CPR, but people will remain dead until someone breathes new life into them. And we can tell the world that there is life after death, but the world really seems to be wondering if there is life before death."

As I return to Nsoko I cannot WAIT to be reunited with my Swazi family--the kids, the gogo's, our translators--my family. I also can't wait for the perfect weather [it's winter there], no mosquitoes, and allllll the shooting stars. But i really, really, really can't wait to share all these things, experiences, and relationships with some of my best friends who will be joining me for the first half of the trip--Kayla, Kelly, Lindsay, and Sarah.

So here we gooooo! If you'd like to join me on this adventure, feel free to peek the blog every week or so! Who knows how often I'll update, but when interned is available, I shall try :)

peace&love

-kati

Lifetime Prayer

I've been reading "Chasing Francis" by Ian Morgan Cron. I'm dreading ending it because it is truly opening my eyes and showing me so many great things, but for now, here's a little treasure i just read before bed.

O Lord, make us instruments of Thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let us sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that we may not
so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life;

-francis of assisi

i want to paint this and hang it on a wall wherever i go in the years to come.

also reminds me of a wonderful song, Surely We Can Change, by david crowder band.

both are incredible reminders and prayers of the life i desire to live. who's with me? :)

heartache for Juarez, Mexico :(

my church has been going to Juarez for nearly 10 years teaming up with "casitas del ray" and other groups to help build homes, soup kitchens, have Bible school for the kids, and just love and serve the people of this violence-stricken city.

i got the chance to go 3 years ago and again the following year. Of course, as the rest of the group does year, after year, i fell in love with the hospitable, gracious people of the city. the children melted my heart and constantly wanted to hold hands, skip, and play--3 of my favorite activities! despite all the fun and joy, the violence there was very tense at the time. There is a drug war going on between the cartel of Juarez and the government. And even in our short time there, several murders occurred, we encountered the military right at our front door, and upon returning to the states we learned that our church was just 1.5 miles away from the location of dozens of raped and murdered women. Juarez is called the most dangerous city in the world by many sources.

wowza, right? I'm not going to lie, i had a few nightmares while i was there, but we constantly prayed and God was with us every step of the way to make sure we didn't let the fear affect loving and serving.

this year, my church will not go to Juarez as we are doing a local mission project, but just as the bumper stickers of many members say-- Juarez is in our hearts. Always. a few minutes ago, i "stumbled" upon this site of photographs of the latest violence. Tears welled up in my eyes as i thought of the many people i love there that have to deal with this on a daily basis. I wish I had the answer to all this, but all i can do is pray, and ask you to as well! Warning: before clicking on "site" please know the pictures are very graphic. but also very real.

in honor of those in Juarez, and of the woman who this story is about--here is a note i wrote about my time there in 2008::

I've had a lot of good hugs in my life, but 3 days ago, I received the best hug ever on a sandy street in Juarez, Mexico during my mission trip.

I know what you're thinking, how could I, a person who loves hugs and gives them out so often, possibly pick one out like this and call it the best? But read on and maybe you'll understand...

Our group went to Mexico to build a soup kitchen. A soup kitchen that had been prayed about for an entire year by an awesome preacher name Julio and his community. By Thursday, we had went extreme home makeover on that cement slab and constructed a cute little building were 45 hungry kids would be fed each day. We decorated it with bible verses and pictures too. The room's bright yellow walls would warm anybody's heart, seriously.

So after the building was constructed we had a dedication. Nearly 200 children showed up by the end of the night!! Along with plenty of adults. It was a the main event fo sho.

Shortly after the 2 hour preaching/singing/and other festivities we fed everyone hot dogs. Next was the toy give away. As this was coming to an end I was approached by an elderly lady. Kayla and I had passed her in the street from a distance a couple days before and she had that same familiar grin on her face this evening. As she approached me I could see her tanned, wrinkled cheeks. She put her hand out and was saying "Gracias" (thank you) in the most genuine tone I'd heard all week. Of course, I bypassed the hand and threw my arms around her for what I thought would be a brief, normal hug.

I was very wrong.

What started out as a wimpy hug turned into a full fledge grasp. She meant it. And as she spoke throughout the 3 minute intense embrace, I knew few words. I understood all the children, God, and thank you. Those phrases were repeated often. And somehow...standing there with sweat on my shirt and sand all over me, hanging on to a women who speaks a totally different language than myself...I could feel her thankfulness.

Yes. Feel it.

No one clings like that and speaks those words of thanksgiving without truly meaning it. And as we stand there arm in arm, I literally got goosebumps. And shortly before we released from our embrace, I looked down into her worn out eyes and saw tears. Tears of happiness. Tears from a lady who truly cared about all those little children running around. Tears from a lady who knew where the building came from...not from a group of 20 Americans, but from God. He made it happen. He just used us to help show His love.

And in that moment, it was all so clear.

Feeling.

Well, after finished Jesus for President (amazing, read it!!) and A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (decent) --both of which took me about 6 months to finish, ha. I read at a snail's pace during school...I have now moved on to Flickering Pixels by Shane Hipps. It's an interesting read, and although I still have 3 chapters left, I can safely say I have enjoyed it. Not necessarily a top fave, but has further opened my eyes in a lot of different ways from Jesus to technology and the world in general. Hipps is a smart dude!

One section I liked a whole lot was when Hipps talks about how the "print age" turned our world into one that thinks in linear, logical, black and white, factual ways. It is one that has pros and cons, but one of the biggest cons is that it demotes emotions. In applying this to faith, he talks about how this mindset turns people into only rational and cognitive beings, emotions don't count. He goes on to talk about how this is a major problem for several reasons: our heart and emotions are an integral part of our being and life with God, our emotions do help govern our behavior and when ignored can be very dangerous as it can resurrect in something negative, and lastly, it deadens desire. Our longing for life, love, and God fades.

Do you relate to this? I certainly do, and it saddens me to see the many people in the Church, specifically, the American church put almost alllll the emphasis on faith and never feeling. Feeling is looked at something that can come and go, so...it's irrelevant. But it's notirrelevant! It's actually kind of important, it's actually how we were created!

Have you ever felt God? There have been several vivid moments in my life where i have felt Him. So strongly and positively that i will never forget. these are by far the most cherished moments of my life, and i truly believe that God gave me my 5 senses for a reason other than just eating to stay alive. I believe he gave me emotions for things other than just crying when seeing a sad movie. I think He gave them to me to connect with me, too.

When I think of Hipps logic, and look back on my time in Swaziland--a place that would not be considering the "print age" type (that is, where literature and printed materials are a big part of culture)--emotions are a huge part of fellowship with God. Dancing, smiling, crying, laughing, clapping, etc. are not only encouraged, but cherished. When Swazi's worship, they do with their whole self, and it's gorgeous. And when describing their relationship with God, they use many more words of senses and feelings...not just large words like "justification" or "sanctification." (these words are fine, of course, I'm just making a point :))

So i guess what i'm saying is this: don't forget that we aren't just made to read, write, and regurgitate verses. We are made to enjoy our creator, to adore Him, to feel him...

Or as one quote by Allen Hood I recently read said,

"The heart can go a lifetime doing religious
services and exercises yet never gaze,
never adorn the object of worship.
We were made for encounter, for
experiencing the presence
and depths of God"

so take some time today to sit still, watch a sunrise, breathe, get uncomfortable to serve Him, love someone who doesn't love you back, or maybe love someone who the rest of the world has forgotten about...and whether you're adoring him or serving Him, don't be surprised when He shows up ;)

Jesus for Prez

so after 10 months, i have completed the book Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw.

and I could probably turn around and read it again. It took me so long for several reasons. first, it's a pretty deep read for the first 2/3 of the way. sure the pictures make it nice, but it was a lot to take in! secondly, i just had a lot of nursing crap to read. and thirdly, if i read more than say....10 pages at a time, i usually got so fired up i couldn't sleep or had to turn to the person next to me and give them a summary.

the book was incredibly thorough and i appreciated it so much. I held many of the beliefs discussed prior to reading, but it gave me such great detail, history, and just relevance. It blows my mind how misinterpreted the Bible really is..simply because we (most times blindly) completely ignore the culture surrounding the text. even just getting a small dose of culture can turn a verse you've heard hundreds of times (and thought you just looooved already), into an extremely bold and powerful statement that goes against every grain of "norm."

not only did i enjoy the depth, but also the compilation of such wonderful stories, quotes, and insights gathered. i couldn't turn a page without numerous references and jarring quotes--even quotes from the time of Jesus, not just modern (many of those were my favorite).

in the end, this piece added fuel to my fire and encouragement to my soul. i desire so much to live apart from the empire, pledge my allegiance to my King...the slaughtered lamb..love my enemies (not bomb them), and embrace my duty of being a blessing to the world by sharing love, peace and hope and remember my job is NOT to rid the world of evil by violence (or encourage it)...that's His job, and I'll let him take care of it when the time comes.. (check out the parable of weeds/wheat in Matthew 13).

Until then, may we live out Acts 2:42-47 :)

...oh, and i'll probably post a few of my favorite excerpts from the book later.

Ressurection.

"they will take my life and I will die Jesus says
but that will not be the end
and when you find yourself assuming that it’s over
when it’s lost, gone, broken and it could never be
put back together again,
when it’s been destroyed and you swear that it could never
be rebuilt

hold on a minute
because in that moment
things will in fact have just begun."

-Rob Bell.

...and today as I sat in the woods and looked at the trees... I felt this resurrection, I felt His presence all around me. And as my unworthy lungs inhaled a deep breath, all I could say was thank you.

He is risen.

ειρήνη [Peace]

So breathe in with faith, and out with his peace,
May the gospel of Jesus, may the gospel of Jesus, may the gospel of Jesus
Wash over me.

-jimmy needham [the Gospel]

...I love how the Gospel doesn't just give me forgiveness, love, and life after death...I love that it gives me peace in this current life. Some sort of order to my chaos. A voice that tells me, I'm going to be just fine, regardless of how many exams, projects and events. Regardless of how marked up my planner is.

Regardless.

I am loved ...regardless of my actions, good or bad.

I am forgiven ...regardless of my awareness of each sin, or my confession even.

I am at ease ...regardless of how crazy my life gets, because I sense this Peace. I love this Peace. I know this peace.

and because of that wonderful "regardless" equation.... I am free. So free. And it is the best feeling in the entire world and I really just want everyone to feel it.